Change is something...

Stressed and depressed would be an understatement of how I feel right now. Relationship and companionship is not even a major part of my feelings right now and I'm still about to explode. I think I need someone to talk too otherwise I might just snap. I'm an addict, sick to the utmost, and just utterly feeling at the end of my rope once again. Let's see if I can get pass all this, but this time with a little help.

Peeta Mellark signing out hopefully not for the last time....

Hmmmm Hey there you beautiful blog.

So as I lay here wondering is it still cool that I think about and have feelings for my ex Missy? I'm slowly climbing out of a dump right now in my life but I'm not mad I'm just kinda missing companionship. Normally I would still be with my ex but she's a whole different story.

So last year around December I found out the "awesome" person I was with decided it would be cool to stomp all over my feelings and trust for her by cheating on me. This is the first time that I got cheated on and it was probably one of the worst feelings because of the fact that I out so much into the relationship. I was there through all her up and downs with her fam, her moving away and coming back, her living in different shelters, finding out the child wasn't mine, and more. All I got in return was disrespect and pain. Ugh still mad at myself for feeling anything towards her still but I do LOVE her daughter. I miss that little girl to this day. Anyway just wanted to get some of that off my chest.

Anyways that's Peeta SF Mellark signing out.....

Ugh not again.

Well I haven't written on here in a while, but today I needed to write my feelings somewhere. It makes me kind of sad to say that after all this time and moving on and dealing with it that I still have feelings for more ex-fiancée.

Now other than that I just got a new place, I have a new job, and I'm about to go into real estate investing, but while packing I came across her ring and I'm remembering all the good times we had and how much I love that girl. I'll try to deal with it the best I can, but we'll see how things goes.

Until then this is Peeta Mellark signing out :) :p........

Another Day Another Vid

First video on my blog

It's like a ton easier for me to upload videos so I might just either upload or type depending on how I feel. This is Peeta SF Mellark signing out until next time :P :).......

The smoldering fire...

I feel like my soul is begging to be release, and not be made to suffer the way it is. As I sit here at work I don't even know what to say, the pain is almost unbearable, and yet I still hold on. Well let's get on with it another update into my life.
Well I'm not sure if I was still together with my baby mother last time I updated, but I'm not now. Kairi will be born next week and I'm sad that I'm in such turmoil that I can't even get exited for it. I'm happy that she's gonna be here, but idk what's gonna happen between me and her mother seeing as we barely tolerate one another.
I hope that I can deal with this on top of all the other things that I'm going through. I'll keep pushing, but idk how long I can keep this up.
A couple of days ago I spent some time with my ex katniss and she wanted me to be completely open and truthful with her. I sat there and explained what's going on down to the fact that I put on an act with almost everyone I talk too. She basically acted exactly how I expected, for that time she understood then she fell right back into her ways. Idk why expected something different, but I learn and adapt for the future.
Right now I'm with this girl that seems to only care about her future, and to be truthful after sitting here and typing this out I realize most of my problems stem from females. I think after this one I'll take a break and concentrate on myself and daughter if that goes well.
I'm still vegan yay me and I started doing yoga and physical exercises. I changed my eating habits and I'm trying to lose weight, while making my body healthier. I want the best but I can't figure how I should go about doing it. It has become a day by day process, but at least I'm not actively trying to end it anymore.
I hurt, I pain, and I wish for something different but this time I'm actively trying to do something. My soul screams for it too end so why am I here?
My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out until next time :p V_\\\.....

I am so tired of it all.

Seriously like right now I'm so fucking upset. I just kicked a hole in my door that's how upset I am. I hate my fucking life with a passion. Ugh if it wasn't for the fact that I have a daughter on the way I would probably either end it or just leave. Point blank period. Well here we go again.

My baby mother aka mother of my child aka gf or ex-gf got me so mad today that I kicked a hole in my door. Now all of this not not her fault completely it also has to deal with all my stress  with life, work, finance, and a whole bunch of other things. She was just the topping that made it overflow. I'm so mad at myself right now for doing it though, but I rather do that then hurt her in anyway shape or form.

There's so much going on in my life right now I can barely breathe. I'm constantly tired from all my work and managing life, I'm stressed from everything pregnancy, finance, disliking my job, my current life, lack of support, and inability to enjoy things. This is the first time in a long time I can get things off my chest. Every time I try to talk to her there's always some way she's right or she has a defense for everything. She never just listens.

I seriously just want to up and leave my current life and move so far away from everything. Start over new and fresh regardless of how everyone would feel, but I refuse to leave my daughter without a father. I will suffer all that I have too, to get too where I need to be so I can provide the life for her that she deserves. I'm going to claw and bite my way to the top that way I can finally have some relief, and her as well when she grows up.

I'm so sick and tired of my shitty life, but I only have one so I will push for all I'm worth and try to make it awesome by the time I'm 30 or so lol.

Until next time this iPeeta SF Mellark signing out V_\\\ :(........