Another Day Another Vid

First video on my blog

It's like a ton easier for me to upload videos so I might just either upload or type depending on how I feel. This is Peeta SF Mellark signing out until next time :P :).......

The smoldering fire...

I feel like my soul is begging to be release, and not be made to suffer the way it is. As I sit here at work I don't even know what to say, the pain is almost unbearable, and yet I still hold on. Well let's get on with it another update into my life.
Well I'm not sure if I was still together with my baby mother last time I updated, but I'm not now. Kairi will be born next week and I'm sad that I'm in such turmoil that I can't even get exited for it. I'm happy that she's gonna be here, but idk what's gonna happen between me and her mother seeing as we barely tolerate one another.
I hope that I can deal with this on top of all the other things that I'm going through. I'll keep pushing, but idk how long I can keep this up.
A couple of days ago I spent some time with my ex katniss and she wanted me to be completely open and truthful with her. I sat there and explained what's going on down to the fact that I put on an act with almost everyone I talk too. She basically acted exactly how I expected, for that time she understood then she fell right back into her ways. Idk why expected something different, but I learn and adapt for the future.
Right now I'm with this girl that seems to only care about her future, and to be truthful after sitting here and typing this out I realize most of my problems stem from females. I think after this one I'll take a break and concentrate on myself and daughter if that goes well.
I'm still vegan yay me and I started doing yoga and physical exercises. I changed my eating habits and I'm trying to lose weight, while making my body healthier. I want the best but I can't figure how I should go about doing it. It has become a day by day process, but at least I'm not actively trying to end it anymore.
I hurt, I pain, and I wish for something different but this time I'm actively trying to do something. My soul screams for it too end so why am I here?
My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out until next time :p V_\\\.....

I am so tired of it all.

Seriously like right now I'm so fucking upset. I just kicked a hole in my door that's how upset I am. I hate my fucking life with a passion. Ugh if it wasn't for the fact that I have a daughter on the way I would probably either end it or just leave. Point blank period. Well here we go again.

My baby mother aka mother of my child aka gf or ex-gf got me so mad today that I kicked a hole in my door. Now all of this not not her fault completely it also has to deal with all my stress  with life, work, finance, and a whole bunch of other things. She was just the topping that made it overflow. I'm so mad at myself right now for doing it though, but I rather do that then hurt her in anyway shape or form.

There's so much going on in my life right now I can barely breathe. I'm constantly tired from all my work and managing life, I'm stressed from everything pregnancy, finance, disliking my job, my current life, lack of support, and inability to enjoy things. This is the first time in a long time I can get things off my chest. Every time I try to talk to her there's always some way she's right or she has a defense for everything. She never just listens.

I seriously just want to up and leave my current life and move so far away from everything. Start over new and fresh regardless of how everyone would feel, but I refuse to leave my daughter without a father. I will suffer all that I have too, to get too where I need to be so I can provide the life for her that she deserves. I'm going to claw and bite my way to the top that way I can finally have some relief, and her as well when she grows up.

I'm so sick and tired of my shitty life, but I only have one so I will push for all I'm worth and try to make it awesome by the time I'm 30 or so lol.

Until next time this iPeeta SF Mellark signing out V_\\\ :(........

Some things change, others remain the same.

Hey guys/gals I know I haven't updated in a while but I'm not dead. First I'm with my baby moms/girlfriend and boy is this trip. I'm also still at the Postal Service unfortunately. Well I'm just gonna try and give you a quick update into my life so here goes.

I no longer talk to my ex Katniss haven't really had no reason too so we just keep doing what we need to. Maybe I might hit her up just to make sure she's alright.

Currently in a relationship with the mother of my child and this is definitely something different. The way she and I react to the same thing is on a whole different level. I love the girl don't get me wrong but sometimes it's a lot to deal with. Right now I'm laying in bed with her and sometimes it feels fucking A like so awesome and other times it feels like surprise how are you'll still together. Ugh I'll keep pushing and see where this goes.

The Postal Service must be one of the crappiest jobs to its workers that I know. Don't get me wrong the pay is good in today's market, and they do hire a lot of people, but the job itself is bad how they treat there employees (at least non-regular) is horrible, and there is almost no future in this job. There's no job advancement only lies and promises with no fulfillment. I hope to be out of here sooner rather than later.

Well that's all I can think about for now so as always that's been a look into the life of Peeta SF Mellark now I'm signing out V_\\\ :P.........

Some of my drawings/sketches.

Finally got a chance to upload ^_^.

??? He actually lives?

So hello, Bonjour, Konichiwa, Hola, and all the many different ways to say Hi. I'm not dead and I haven't forgotten my blog either; I've just been busy with work, sleep, and etc. So I'm here today just to say I will updating soon with some of my sketches/drawings, and a update into the life of Peeta Mellark. Until then ciao :D.

It seems different

Well I recently went back to Georgia for my Aunts' funeral and even though it was a sad event something good came from it. I still can't feel, but now I'm at least better adjusted with my current life and where I want to go. I also realized that my cousin Nathaniel is one of my favorite cousins; not just because we're cool, but also because he took a stand on his life and continues to do so. Well anyways let's get started.

So I'm about to start drawing again just so I can do something that I enjoy, and also something that the lord blessed me with. I'm probably gonna get the art supplies on one of my days off so hopefully sometime next week I will be good :). When I start I'll post some pictures of them.

Just started tweeting a little bit we'll see how that goes. Kinda fun just posting whatever that is on your mind.

Post Office work is actually kinda nice this time around, and it also looks like I'll actually be here for a while so I can make plans with my life. Met some cool people and I'll continue down this path until it's time to change, and do something else.

The only real thing I'm missing now is a place of my own; which hopefully GOD blesses me with by this summer :D.

Other than that don''t have much to say right now just continuing hoping for the best. This is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out V_\\\ :P...........

Is this always the necessity?

Well after sleeping nearly 18 hours, not really sure how I did it; I feel almost disgusted. Not in a physical way just more emotionally than anything. I feel so damn empty on the inside it's frustrating at times. I'm not sure what to do and I'm definitely not sure what the future holds for me, but I'm hoping that I can figure this out before I get there. Well onto the show...

So I might be having a child during the summer of this year which for me I'm okay with having one and without having one. Right now I'm trying to maintain a friendly relationship with the mother, but more than likely that is all there's going to be to our relationship.

I'm also talking to this lesbian girl who is my friend, but also a little more. She's cool and she understands how I feel so there's no hardships or struggle in our semi-friendly relationship.

My relationship with Shemell is done I'm assuming so I think me and her will just continue on with this faux thing we do where we chill and enjoy each others company once in a while, but more than likely nothing past that.

Right now I'm just trying to see how this post office thing work out in hopes I can start the adventure that I want/need in my life right now. I need to leave because I need to leave some of these situations and people behind. I feel like if I don't then I will just get stuck in the same ole story same ole song and dance routine that I rather just die than deal with. I refuse to be stuck in that lifestyle. I hate it, I truly truly do hate that stagnant, repugnant lifestyle. It is just not for me.

So if I keep this job, at the end of the year or sometime this year I am going on a trip across seas. I really don't care if I go by myself I'm just not staying in the U.S. all year again if I don't have to. I can't stand some of the people I have to deal with regardless of how I outwardly represent myself to them. I have no problem dealing with you, but you'll haven't made my life any easier.

Also as of a week or so ago I tried hurting myself. Didn't use a knife or anything just self inflicted pain and those days it felt good. I felt alive even if it was just for a moment. Right now I feel so dead on the inside though. I'm just gonna try and get through the day. I love life, but death seems so inviting atm.

My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out V_\\\........