Time and Time....

Before a long time ago there existed me. The me that I loved because he was trained like a mofo to handle these types of situations. He was cold and calculating. He looked life in the eyes and ripped them out. Now I'm seeing that the one time I stepped out and tried to open up to something other than myself it was a horrible decision. The woman I love crushed me like it was nothing. I gave my very essence and soul to this person worked with them tried everything and even stayed 6 months after the break up still talking, still helping, and still loving only to realize why?

Why am I cursing myself to such an outcome that it is pushing me as far as to view my life as meaningless. It seems that I love hard and I love once. I no longer feel that it is necessary to put myself out there like that ever again. It kinda ruined my current life, but somehow I'm still persevering and moving forward. I want to stop so badly. To just give up lay somewhere, or go somewhere so far away from this life that I don't exist anymore. I'm tired and I even tried moving on to someone new, but I was to cautious because of my past and end up losing out to someone else. So I can be friends, friends with benefits, I'll even date you; but I won't love you. I can't love you. I refuse to love you. I gave myself, my all to someone and continue to give them in hopes and dreams that the would come back because of my genuine love and care for them, but it was all a dream.

Katniss I wish one day you could read this. Read how you ripped apart someone that once existed. Today I believe that I refuse to love anyone else. My love will stay with Katniss regardless of what happens. I don't want to move on and try someone new. I want to forget that I loved someone so hard that it rocked my world when she left.

If it wasn't for the fact that I loved my family and I know that they would be devastated if anything happened to me I would of left either this life that I'm living or the world by now. I continue to live on the strength borrowed from my father because im weak.

I'm so weak I no longer know how I continue forward everyday. How I continue to climb for further reaches at the end of the day. How I'm still here. I just wished it was different. To love is wonderful, it's probably the happiest I ever was in my entire life. For once I felt whole, that I found that one for me. I no longer know what to say. Until next time Peeta signing out :P V_\\\...

~Life was easier when we loved one another...(SF)~

Ugh it's been 2 months....

It's been two months since I started this job, and so far so good. My life is definitely changing for the better and worse/good I think. Me and Katniss have come to some sort of understanding or something I think. Slowly getting on and moving on from her. I wish it was simpler to move on from her, but loving someone isn't easy so I assume moving on would not be easy as well. Well I just felt giving a update with my life so here we go.

I'm still dealing with Lily wondering where things will go with her. She has some problems that she has to deal with, but to be honest I don't mind dating her at all. It will definitely be a new experience and I like experiencing new things :D.

Hershey is non-existent. That is all.

Katniss is a problem in itself and to be truthful if she gave me indication that she wanted to be with me I would probably wait a million years for her, but there's no indication of that so I'm moving on. I used to pray everyday to hopefully something work out, but I don't know how you can love someone so much, do so much for someone, care about them and they still leave you and friend zone you. Sometimes I believe girls/woman are just confused about what they truly want because when they get it; they still don't want it. I hope her new life with Gale makes her happy because I just love her to much to wish anything else.

Just in case your wondering I still haven't finished the Hunger Games trilogy so I don't know how it works out. I personally believe that she will end up with Gale in the end, but I will find out soon enough. Other than that I'm trying to save my money so I can get a place of my own and hopefully soon be onto the next part of my life. GOD have a plan and GOD knows exactly what's going to happen and hopefully that involves someone to love me for me. Until next time Peeta singing out :P V_\\\.