Just one of those shitty days.....

Today just been horrible since I woke up. Didn't feel like doing anything, mad bored, want too drown myself in all type of mannerisms. Ugh really today just suck for me. I have all these pre-arranged things I need to do today though, but I really don't feel like dealing with them. I really just feel like smoking a blunt, sipping on some alcohol, popping a pill, and just calling it a day. I seriously hate when I get in this mood, but ain't nothing I can do about it. These are what I call remembering moods I'll explain.

Remembering moods is when my mind falls apart for unknown amount of time and actually pays attention to what I want and don't have and where my life is at. In these moods I don't really feel like dealing with shit and usually just want to curl up somewhere and just max. Today I feel like being zoned out, but I can't do that when I have plans for later. I seriously wish in these moments I had a distraction until such a time where I can recollect my shit and go about with life.

In these moments I remember things about people long gone, things about people that are currently here, but don't benefit me, and things about people I have forgotten and left. For example I hit up Katniss, and Lily today for no reason. Katniss told me shit that I never even knew was going on and Lily didn't even respond. As you can tell Lily is part of the group of people I forgotten and left. Katniss is from the group of long gone because of her decision. The only group I didnt hit up was currently here, but I'll have to deal with that tonight.

I seriously just want something to take my mind off of things until tomorrow where I will go back to being the same of person I've been for a long time. Yes I can still function where I'll try my best to enjoy today. Be either through laughing with friends, drinking and cracking jokes, etc. Truth be told though I rather just drown myself today, and wish someone was there to join me. It takes a lot of patience and strength too continue on with this life I have. Of course it's not the worse existence with me being raped or anything like that, but it's still my struggles and how I feel and deal with things. I've been alone a long time so I know how to deal, but eventually I wish for someone to just be able to hit up and say yo let's chill, watch a movie, smoke, drink, do whatever, and that person just say yes.

Well that's it for my rant today. Surprisingly I feel a little relief, but ehh still got shit to do, people too see. My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out :P V_\\\....

P.S. The sullen skies, the broken moon, eventually comes around. (SF)

I say dear Watson, it's been a year.....

Sooooo it have officially been a year since Katniss/Shemell left me, and what a year it has been. I'll say the truth for the first few months I was a wreck. Like I was so surprised of how much I attached myself to that person wreck, but I have learned from all that and now I'm who I am. Surprisingly I'm not a dick after all of this. I'm not even a dick to my one night stands when they hit me back up lol, but time to start.

Well it seems like I will eventually be working at the USPS again. Hopefully it's better this time aka better pay, better hours, better people :P just kidding.

Hershey manilla vanilla the thriller is still my friend although I really don't have girl friends; she sticks. Hmmmm maybe it's because I don't mind her company at all and wouldn't mind being with her.

Shemell the woman of my forgotten dreams still talk to me which is surprising. I will say I don't hate her, still have love for her, but it's surprising that she maintains contact with her ex-fiancee when she's been in a 1 year relationship with another man. I wouldn't be surprised if we had children together or something, but we don't, we barely see each other, and the fact that I still have feelings for her seems like it's better if she just forgot I exist. Now don't get me wrong spending time with her is cool and all, but it's like teasing yourself with candy you can't eat. I want it when it's here, but can only watch through a window.

Surprisingly the same thing can be said for Hershey, but like I said due to this year of still living and moving I learned how to deal with not being able to get what I want and just deal with life. That's why even when they hit me up I'm cool and answer and not be a dick because it doesn't really matter. I'll enjoy life and continue on without caring.

Sadly I'm afraid I haven't felt true emotions in a long time. I laugh, I enjoy, I smile, but true raw emotion that I felt so long ago is a forgotten memory once again. It seems things will just be this way until something drastic change. On a bright note I'm slowly allowing myself to be free, buying little things, changing myself, etc. Soon I will start buying clothes again when I start working. Slowly change my wardrobe.

Well that's been an update into my life, also a way for me to vent and let go without people judging me, etc.
My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out :P V_\\\......

P.S.- I'm attracted to females, but able to tell if a male is attractive. Does that make me bi hmmmmmm?