Just one of those shitty days.....

Today just been horrible since I woke up. Didn't feel like doing anything, mad bored, want too drown myself in all type of mannerisms. Ugh really today just suck for me. I have all these pre-arranged things I need to do today though, but I really don't feel like dealing with them. I really just feel like smoking a blunt, sipping on some alcohol, popping a pill, and just calling it a day. I seriously hate when I get in this mood, but ain't nothing I can do about it. These are what I call remembering moods I'll explain.

Remembering moods is when my mind falls apart for unknown amount of time and actually pays attention to what I want and don't have and where my life is at. In these moods I don't really feel like dealing with shit and usually just want to curl up somewhere and just max. Today I feel like being zoned out, but I can't do that when I have plans for later. I seriously wish in these moments I had a distraction until such a time where I can recollect my shit and go about with life.

In these moments I remember things about people long gone, things about people that are currently here, but don't benefit me, and things about people I have forgotten and left. For example I hit up Katniss, and Lily today for no reason. Katniss told me shit that I never even knew was going on and Lily didn't even respond. As you can tell Lily is part of the group of people I forgotten and left. Katniss is from the group of long gone because of her decision. The only group I didnt hit up was currently here, but I'll have to deal with that tonight.

I seriously just want something to take my mind off of things until tomorrow where I will go back to being the same of person I've been for a long time. Yes I can still function where I'll try my best to enjoy today. Be either through laughing with friends, drinking and cracking jokes, etc. Truth be told though I rather just drown myself today, and wish someone was there to join me. It takes a lot of patience and strength too continue on with this life I have. Of course it's not the worse existence with me being raped or anything like that, but it's still my struggles and how I feel and deal with things. I've been alone a long time so I know how to deal, but eventually I wish for someone to just be able to hit up and say yo let's chill, watch a movie, smoke, drink, do whatever, and that person just say yes.

Well that's it for my rant today. Surprisingly I feel a little relief, but ehh still got shit to do, people too see. My name is Peeta SF Mellark and I'm signing out :P V_\\\....

P.S. The sullen skies, the broken moon, eventually comes around. (SF)