What keeps me going as the days continue to flow endlessly pass me. The eternal continuation of unknown and uncertain times that last before me. I'm an emotional and unstable wreck on the inside, but on the outside I'm as calm and happy as can be.
For the first time I think I will actually disclose a lot of what's pent up dealing with my ex and other females etc. Shemell is a piece of work that I'm unsure how I should feel about. I loved her to death because she was my first true experience of happiness and for someone who's been alone as long as I have that's a miracle. She's also the person who left me for another man almost ruining my life in the process.
Why I still talk too her is a mystery in its own.
(I see nowadays why people usually just had sex with girls and leave it be. For me its not because I can't develop feelings for you possibly, but because you throw the pussy at me so to speak.)
Other than her doing that she confuses me to an extent but truth be told I never want to know the real reason she left me. If I could change anything it would be either loving her in the first place(because of the pain it caused) or wishing she left me before I moved back to new york.
I don't hate her per se but she definitely is one of the main reasons I'm unhappy atm.
On a better note 1 month Vegan and loving it ^_^. I'm happy to say that I'm currently moving forward in my plans to travel, have a good lifestyle, and just try to be happy in general. Currently just trying to enjoy the little moments of happiness that trickle through the dark abyss.
Are suicidal thoughts bad or do everyone have them hmmmm?
I hope if shemell ever reads my blog she understand at least one thing; that I would of traded my life just to see her happy, but if isaiah is the person that do that for her I hope wherever that leads her in life she can live with.
Well as you can see this post was mainly about my ex fiancee because it was necessary to get some of this shit off my chest and heart. I'm just a broken soul looking to belong.
(A Shemell A) you were that person until well you decided I wasn't who you wanted anymore and just like that I was discarded from that position like a mere fly in your presence. I'm ashamed V_\\\.
Well I have a whole bloody story to tell but not now. This is Peeta SF Mellark signing out until next time :p V_\\\..........
"I remember a day when nature moved in harmony, and my heart with it..." (SF)
For the first time I think I will actually disclose a lot of what's pent up dealing with my ex and other females etc. Shemell is a piece of work that I'm unsure how I should feel about. I loved her to death because she was my first true experience of happiness and for someone who's been alone as long as I have that's a miracle. She's also the person who left me for another man almost ruining my life in the process.
Why I still talk too her is a mystery in its own.
(I see nowadays why people usually just had sex with girls and leave it be. For me its not because I can't develop feelings for you possibly, but because you throw the pussy at me so to speak.)
Other than her doing that she confuses me to an extent but truth be told I never want to know the real reason she left me. If I could change anything it would be either loving her in the first place(because of the pain it caused) or wishing she left me before I moved back to new york.
I don't hate her per se but she definitely is one of the main reasons I'm unhappy atm.
On a better note 1 month Vegan and loving it ^_^. I'm happy to say that I'm currently moving forward in my plans to travel, have a good lifestyle, and just try to be happy in general. Currently just trying to enjoy the little moments of happiness that trickle through the dark abyss.
Are suicidal thoughts bad or do everyone have them hmmmm?
I hope if shemell ever reads my blog she understand at least one thing; that I would of traded my life just to see her happy, but if isaiah is the person that do that for her I hope wherever that leads her in life she can live with.
Well as you can see this post was mainly about my ex fiancee because it was necessary to get some of this shit off my chest and heart. I'm just a broken soul looking to belong.
(A Shemell A) you were that person until well you decided I wasn't who you wanted anymore and just like that I was discarded from that position like a mere fly in your presence. I'm ashamed V_\\\.
Well I have a whole bloody story to tell but not now. This is Peeta SF Mellark signing out until next time :p V_\\\..........
"I remember a day when nature moved in harmony, and my heart with it..." (SF)
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